The Liberty Chronicles: Book One- Chapter One

Jordana Black had three weeks left until the end of the summer and the beginning of her Freshman year of college. She was enjoying every minute of it. During the school year, she had to find time to squeeze in reading, writing, and relaxing between all of the studying and homework. During the two months she got to be away, she could do all of those things.  

On a fine summer day, she was laying in the hammock her stepdad strung between the two oak trees in the backyard. She was reading a book, the one where the guy gets the girl and they live happily ever after when she got a call from her boyfriend Kade. The call went to her tablet and she saw Kade’s face on the screen, overlaying the book she was reading.  

“Accept call,” she instructed the device. “Well hello there stranger.” She could see Kade rolling his eyes on the video feed now taking over her screen, his normally curly black hair now mostly hidden underneath a ball cap.  

“Strange? There’s not a thing strange about me.” As he said this, he demonstrated his ability to shift both of his eyeballs outward at the same time. “Nothing at all.” 

“Gross, you win just stop that!” 

This always makes Kade laugh. “Hey, you. What’s a girl like you do with her time on a day like this?” 

“Well, you know, things that girls like me do, of course,” she said, “whatever that means.” 

“You’re reading, aren’t you”? 

“You know me too well. What are you doing handsome?” 

“Thinking,” said Kade.  

After a moment consisting of nothing much more than a blank stare, Kade breaks the silence.  

“Well, it’s been a while since we’ve done anything other than talk on the phone and, not that I don’t like talking to you, I just thought I might take you to a movie and maybe get some dinner before.” 

“A smile reaches Jordana’s eyes. “You would, would you?” 

“I would.” 

“Hmm. I guess I could make time for a guy like you to take me to a movie.” 

“Great. Then a guy like me will pick you up at about 730. Oh hey, I think you should be expecting some sort of delivery soon. Love you, bye!” 

“Love you too,” said Jordana to a blank video feed before her screen filled back up with the book.  

A few pages later, she was interrupted again by a low buzzing sound coming from above. The sound was coming from a delivery drone from Ember, a massive online retailer that sold nearly anything and, in the major cities, delivered most packages by drone shortly after an order was placed.  

Jordana got up from the hammock as the drone landed with the package a short distance from her. It shut down its motors as she approached. There was a red light above a small screen. This screen instructed her to place her index finger in a small box to certify receipt of the package. She did so and a green light replaced the red one. A message now appeared on the screen advising her to stand back, gave her ten seconds to do so, started its motors, released the package, and zoomed to the sky.  

When the drone was gone, she picked up the package and opened it to find another box labeled “Converse All-Stars”. Inside this box was a pair of shoes which she had only dreamed of having before today. They were white with pink accents. High top Converse All-Stars. At first, she could not even process what she saw in front of her. This was something that she had mentioned to Kade years ago when they were in Middle school. There were only 1,000 of these made and they cost over $200 when they first came out which meant either he paid a ton of money for them or he found a way to buy them back then. Either way, she was grateful she had someone in her life who cared this much for her. She wanted to call him back and thank him but she knew he would want her to wait and just wear them tonight. That’s exactly what she did.  


She was sitting on the curb waiting when Kade arrived. She stood and watched in unexplainable anticipation as the door on the PodShare pod lifted, allowing him to stand and walk out to her. The first thing he did was look at her feet to see her wearing the shoes he got her.  

“So, you got my gift.” 

Jordana slapped him on the arm before embracing him in a hug. “You’re crazy, you know that? I can’t even imagine how much these things must have cost you.” 

He smiled. “Eh, only a small fortune.” 

“Well thank you. I can’t even believe you remembered me talking about these.” She broke the hug but immediately took his hand.  

“You look good Jo. Really good.” She had the perfect outfit picked out for the shoes. She looked like a blast from the past with her ripped jeans, pink and white band shirt, and a pink hoodie, despite it being nearly 90 degrees outside. If he ever had any regrets about spending what he spent, it was gone now seeing her standing there.  

“Let’s go then, shall we,” said Kade, motioning for Jordana to get into the pod. Once inside, Kade pressed an icon on the tablet in front of them that said “continue”. A voice from somewhere in the pod said “continuing to Fire Grill. Arriving in seventeen minutes.   


When NOT to Write Horribly

You know you’ve heard it. We all have. Your first draft will be crap. All that matters is getting the idea out and onto paper, you can fix it in editing. You can’t fix a blank page. The list goes on and, while this is usually the case, it isn’t always.

Just yesterday, I made a discovery in my story. Now, I have always been a half planner,  half pantser. It’s just what’s “worked” for me. So, I have been working on a story and I have a partial outline, character development, and massive world building. Countless hours put into the pre-writing phase. I have been doing well dealing with letting go of my need to control the words as they come out of my head, following the idea that you can fix it in editing. This has been a huge leap for me. Nearly six chapters in, I can no longer do it.

Now, I don’t know if my half planning method is to blame for this. It could very well be. I’ve started to realize that my story actually isn’t working. I’ve written a character into a position where I have no idea how they even got there. Why should they be there? What did they do to deserve this? Shouldn’t they have to work a little harder? Nothing in life, even in an alternate dimension believe it or not, comes for free. Yet here I am, giving my character something I have never seen just given.

  I have to rewrite my story. 

This is the time when just editing simply will not get the job done. If I continue from here, there is no telling where the story will end up. Hell, it might not even be a story because half of  the story is missing. And I am only approaching the sixth chapter!

So, I wanted to tell you guys that editing does not always fix the story. Everyone will tell you to write like crap until all 50,000, 75,000, 100,000, whatever, words are on paper. What editing won’t fix, however, is a broken story.

This can happen to anyone too, not just a half planner like me. You can have a fully fleshed out outline and know every scene down to the dialogue, and this can happen to you. I want to tell you that when it does happen. Stop. You need to stop. You have to figure out what happened to your story. Yes, it is a huge time consuming task, especially if you’ve written more than I have, but you have to. Why? Because your story will suck. Unless you find a way to fix all the inevitable plot holes, you won’t fool your reader. And if you think you can fool your reader, you are insulting them because you can’t!

Just stop and fix it. Go back to your outline. Go back to your character development and world building and see what went wrong. I promise you, it’s in there and if it’s not, that could be your problem too.

I hope you learned something from this today. I wanted to share with you my mistake so that, perhaps, you would recognize it in your own writing. I’ve seen too many authors not recognize this mistake in any number of variations, and they go on to self-publish their story thinking it was okay and it wasn’t. This is a waste of your time and, most importantly, your reader’s time.

Happy writing, guys and gals!