The (sort of) Daily Westin: Whiny Writer Edition

Good morning, friends!

So, I don’t know how many of you have stuck around, but for those who have, thank you. I am sorry I have been away for so long. You wouldn’t believe how crazy things have been lately. Work is busier than ever. I know I say that all the time, but that’s because it’s actually been getting busier and the help is minimal. Hard to find good help anymore.

The biggest reason, however, that I have been away is something much deeper. 2017 was a weird year for me. I felt very creative for most of the year, too creative in fact. There were so many things I wanted to do with writing and blogging and, quite frankly, I didn’t even come close to getting any of it done. It wasn’t until just a couple days ago that I came to the conclusion that I am kind of in the midst of an existential crisis. Today is my 30th birthday and, as I look back on the last twelve years of my adulthood, it’s hard for me to come up with a list of accomplishments. It’s also hard for me to remember a time when I was genuinely happy with life as a whole.

I love my wife and kids, and those are my greatest accomplishments. I have a job that allows me to live a comfortable life. But, aside from my family, I am not happy. I try to make the most of my job, but I don’t want to do what I do for the rest of my life. The bad thing is, I don’t even know what it is I want to do. I know I want to write and I know I want to create for a living. But what do I want to create?

I don’t know if everyone who is creative has a hyper-creative brain like I do but I think that one of my problems is that I have so many ideas. I have too many ideas. I want to write books. I want to write screenplays. I want to start a YouTube channel. I want to paint. Someone please tell me how to do all of that and work 70 hours per week as well as being a husband and a father. I can’t see how and it’s killing me.

It doesn’t help that I am suddenly beginning to ponder all the things in life. I am no longer living for today, though I am excessively aware that today may be all I have. I’m not healthy and I know that every day could be my last. Which is why I am so frustrated that I have not accomplished more. I have nothing to leave my family if I were to die today.

So, it’s time for that to change, right? Right. 2018 will be better. I will be successful.

I will write a book this year.

I will write on this blog and work on a screenplay I have wanted to write for years.

I will paint a picture.

Through all of those things, I will tell a story, one that I know my children will be proud of. To say, “Hey, that’s my dad’s story.”

That is all. I will blog more, I promise. Be ready!

Thank you so much if you read this and thank you for sticking around. See ya next time!

–Trevor

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NaNo and Me

Hello guys and gals!

For all of you who are participating in NaNoWriMo this month, I hope you are doing well meeting and exceeding those word counts!

For me, well, let’s talk about that, shall we?

I had high hopes when I started this NaNo, even going back during PrepTober. I felt like my story had come together, despite not having a full and proper outline. I hadn’t fully fleshed it all out but I had the main points and it was all great. I was excited.

Then November came, and it did so with what seemed like zero notice whatsoever. Seriously, where the hell did October go? I blame the crazies who started celebrating Christmas on October 1st. I kid, I kid. Mostly.

And here we are nearly a third of the way into November and I’ve gotten so far behind there’s no way I can catch up, not with work never letting up. So. Who am I kidding. I’m not winning NaNo. Why am I giving up? I’m just not good with the pressure I guess. I don’t know. I need to do things at my own pace, whatever that may be.

I love writing and I will write without NaNo. It would be so cool to say I won NaNo and was able to tackle such a challenge. I just don’t have it in me. I have so many things I want to write and sometimes I can’t stick to just one, which makes NaNo virtually impossible.

So I’m going to continue to write no matter what. It’s my dream. And I’m going to continue to share my dreams with you all. I hope you’ll continue with me on my journey.

As you may have figured out by now, I have a problem with Story A.D.D (it’s a thing, look it up) and I don’t want to leave you today without telling you about a project I am working on.

About 8 years ago, I was really big into screenplays and film making as a whole. I bought and read (many times over) several books on both subjects and began writing multiple scripts in various genres from comedy to drama to crime. One of my biggest undertakings was a comedy which mimics a sort of gangster story where five groups of people go against one another in something we would look at as trivial but which they take very seriously. It was a huge project because there were so many characters, so many personalities, and so many moving parts.

While I never wrote a single word to the script, I did do a metric ton of planning. I built the world, named the characters, built broad descriptions for the groups of people involved, and outlined the story, more or less, completely.

Well, I was looking through one of my screenplay books the other day to get some tips for my NaNo project and, tucked within the pages, was the bulk of the planning notes I had made for that screenplay. It had been nearly eight years since I had touched those pages so, naturally, I had to read over them. Immediately, I felt the fire. The same fire I felt back when I first wrote those pages years before. Now, I cannot tell you why I put the project down. Hell, I had even contacted some people who were willing to participate in the making of the film. I was on the right track but something happened.

Well, I am picking it back up. I can’t let this one slip away, not again. I have learned a lot in the years since starting that story. Most importantly, I’ve learned that I don’t want to make films and, because of this, I can write the script as I would write any story. I can write it as an author, not a director, camera man, set designer and builder, location scout, none of that. This is what I needed to write this story, to think about it as a story and not such a demanding project.

So, I am going to spend some time on this one. I hope you all will understand what I am doing and I hope you have at least some interest in this aspect of writing because there are some things I would like to share with you about the project as it grows.

I am sorry I wasted your time as far as NaNo is concerned. Maybe I will make up for it next yeat by actually winning. We will see what the cards hold.

If you read this all, thank you so much for spending some time with me.

All the best!

–Trevor